I Don't Want to be Brave
by TheWestWitch
Summary: Morgause has lit the fires of Idirsholas and the Knights of Medhir have risen. And Camelot has succumbed to Morgause's enchantment, which Morgana is the source of... Now, Morgana must make her choice: live, and watch Camelot fall... or die, and save the city. Takes place during "The Fires of Idirsholas," in season two.


Hello! This is my first ever work for Merlin, which I am writing for bbcmerlinfest that's going on on tumblr for another week… Anyway, I think there will be two to four chapters, but it could be more than that? I don't know. It will probably just be a short story.

This takes place during the twelfth episode of season two, "The Fires of Idirsholas", in which Morgause has raised the Knights of Medhir and placed all of Camelot under a sleeping enchantment, with Morgana (unknowingly) being the source of the enchantment. The dialogue comes mostly from that episode. However, I have changed parts of it… and probably added some lines.

And, because I'm part of Team Morgana for the fest, the title is from a quote (which is also below in italics) from the series that Morgana says… at some point… and the entire fic centers around Morgana and her perspective.

Lastly, know that reviews are appreciated and flames will be ignored. Advice and constructive criticism are always welcome! Thanks for reading!  
-Caitlin

* * *

_"I don't want to be brave. I just want to be myself."_

* * *

Morgana didn't know why this was happening.

One by one, every person in Camelot fell unconscious before her eyes. Uther, Gaius, Gwen, each of the knights, all of the servants, and every other person succumbed to it quickly. Many of them had fallen asleep while standing, and had fallen hard onto the floor. A few had been fortunate enough to fall asleep while sitting at a table, like Gaius had, their heads only hitting the wood surface beneath them.

Carefully, she had made her way through the castle from her chambers, taking a sword off one of the guards posted outside her door. It didn't go as quickly as she had hoped. In many places it was unavoidable to step on someone, so she had to stop several times to drag people out of the way. She'd push and pull them up against the wall and continue maneuvering through, picking up the skirts of her dress as she moved along.

_Did Morgause do this?_ she wondered as she made her way to Gaius' chambers. She didn't know for sure if it was Morgause, seeing as her sister hadn't bothered to tell her the plan she had for Uther's downfall the night before. She had just woken in her bed that morning, with little memory of walking back. And she made her way to the physician's chambers, hoping that he might still be awake, or that he might have found a cure at the very least.

For all she knew, she could be in danger. The possibility of this being someone other than Morgause's doing was pretty slim, and she knew that. But there was nothing to stop someone else from noticing Camelot's vulnerability if they entered the citadel now. If they found her here, still awake, she might be in more danger than those that were sleeping.

Morgana found herself cursing Morgause when she opened the door to Gaius' chambers, finding him asleep at the table. She didn't bother trying to wake him, after accidentally stepping on one of the guards' fingers she knew they wouldn't wake unless the enchantment was lifted. But how could she lift the enchantment? As she gazed over the open books around Gaius' head she knew he hadn't found anything, and she doubted he possessed any books that could tell her about the spell – Uther would probably kill his physician if he did.

She snorted, suddenly angry at the thought of Uther sentencing Gaius to death for owning one measly spellbook. That is, if the physician did, though Morgana didn't believe he did. It was just the knowledge that Uther would murder him _if_ he did that disgusted her. Uther's hatred for sorcery surpassed his love for his friends, and maybe even his family and she hated him for it. If he knew about her, then…

Well, she didn't want to think about it at the time.

Frustrated, Morgana left Gauis' chambers behind, and returned to her own. She didn't know what was happening, but she didn't want any part in it. She would grab a few of her belongings, hide Gwen beneath her bed, and then leave Camelot before someone entered the city. Maybe, if she was lucky, the enchantment only affected the people there and not the horses in the stables. She would take one and go to her sister, and demand an explanation.

But, just as she had laid her hand on the door to her chambers, she heard the faint echo of voices rising from the floor beneath her. Frightened, she scrambled to enter her chambers, shutting the door behind her and running to the far wall, hiding behind the curtains. Her grip on the guards' sword grew sweaty as she panted, trying to catch her breath.

It wasn't until she had caught her breath that she realized she had left Gwen out in the open, completely exposed to anyone that might enter her chambers. _Don't be silly_, she thought, _surely I locked the door when I entered_.

Either Morgana was wrong and had forgotten to lock the door or someone had opened it with magic a moment later. Morgana's breath hitched, and she pressed herself to the wall behind her as much as she could, all of the muscles in her body tensing in fear. She heard two people enter the room, and heard one of them lift Gwen – at least she assumed it was Gwen – onto her bed.

She remembered to breathe, and took a moment to push her hair out of her face. Unfortunately, her elbow brushed against the curtain as she did, and she froze once more.

A second later, Morgana screamed as someone grabbed her arm and pulled her from behind the curtain, yelling. She was about to raise her sword-hand when Arthur shouted, "It's me! It's me, Morgana!"

He released her arm, and she dropped the sword. It clanged to the ground noisily as she found Merlin also standing there. If she weren't so frightened, she might have been glad to see him.

"What's happened?" Arthur demanded, still gripping his sword.

"I didn't know it was you!" She exclaimed, her eyes wide.

"Calm down, Morgana. Just tell me what happened."

Morgana's gaze shifted from one side of the room to the other, hesitating on Gwen's form on her bed. Arthur must have put her there, she realized. She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. "People were complaining, saying they weren't feeling well," she offered, hoping he would buy it.

This explanation was clearly not enough for Arthur, "And what then?"

"They started falling asleep. Everyone, everywhere I went…"

"Was someone here?"

Morgana hesitated, realizing she didn't really know the answer to that one. A moment later, she shook her head somewhat frantically, not knowing what else to say.

"Then why were you hiding?"

"I told you, I didn't know who you were." At least she knew he would believe that answer.

"Where's my father?" Arthur pressed.

"I don't know." And it was true, she didn't know. She hadn't bothered to find Uther. She wasn't worried about Uther.

"Arthur," Merlin finally spoke, and Morgana could have kissed him for it, "she's distressed."

Arthur turned on his lanky manservant, then, "If she was awake then she must have seen something."

"I didn't see anything," Morgana insisted, praying he would believe her. He was frightening her, and apparently it showed seeing as Merlin had noticed it.

"You saw people getting sick – what did you do?"

"What could I do?"

"Morgana, I don't understand. Why is it that you're the only person awake?"

_Morgause_, Morgana thought angrily. On the outside, however, she was still afraid. "I wish I knew."

She watched as Arthur swallowed. He didn't believe her, she realized. Then again, she could understand why. She didn't even fully believe it, either. As she glanced over to Merlin, who looked away after a moment, she realized he didn't believe her either. But, unlike Arthur, he didn't seem to be angry about it.

"Come on," Arthur said to the both of them, "We've got to find my father."

Reluctantly, Morgana followed him from her chambers, shutting the door behind her securely. She didn't want anyone running in there and harming Gwen while they were gone, and she silently cursed Arthur for being stupid enough to put her _on top_ of her bed. If he were smart, he would have hidden her like Morgana had thought of doing.

As she turned away from the door, she noticed that Arthur had continued on and out of sight whereas Merlin was standing there looking at her.

"What?"

"Don't worry, I won't say anything," he said in a hushed tone.

Morgana started to walk off after Arthur as she asked, "About what?"

"The illness."

Morgana froze, and Merlin stopped beside her. "That has nothing to do with me," she stated. With Arthur, she knew she had to appear confused and frightened. With Merlin, it was different.

"No, of course not, but you have magic."

And that was why, because Merlin was the one person in Camelot that knew Morgana's secret.

"You haven't told anyone that!" she exclaimed, fighting to keep her voice at a whisper.

"No, and I won't tell Arthur," Merlin promised, "but… there must be something keeping you safe, and I think that must be it."

"Right."

Before Merlin could say anything else, they heard Arthur call, "I found him!" and Merlin immediately started running down the hall. Hesitantly, Morgana followed.


End file.
